If you’ve spent some time on the Hill, you know that there are a few buildings around this place, each with its own oddities and idiosyncrasies. The red-brick basement of Russell has a wildly different atmosphere to the grim pallor of the Capitol’s crypt. The question on all of our minds, of course, is of how each of these buildings relates to one another in terms of awesomeness. Forthwith…
The Top Five Buildings on Capitol Hill
1. The Capitol
It has a crypt and a dome, three pictures of Pocahontas, Jefferson stomping Adams’ foot, and an apotheosis. Also, the Majority Whip’s suite is here, so that’s pretty baller.
If you want to get anywhere on the Hill, all roads lead through Cannon. And one of those roads has a great high school art competition (My favorite pic is the self-portrait by a girl in Maryland). Aaron Schock hangs his towel in Cannon (probably right there in the rotunda), and all its rooms use just three numbers, which saves ink if you want to write them out.
And, oh yeah, Cannon? It’s a death trap. Don’t mess with Cannon.
Longworth is Capitol Hill’s shopping mall. It has the cafe and the creamery and, for gosh sakes, a Verizon store. When I’m in Longworth I expect to see teenagers* hanging out round the vending machines drinking Orange Juliuses waiting for their moms to come pick them up. The place is OK, and it’s pretty neat the way it’s got a sort of courtyard thing going on in the middle of it. And it gets pretty creepy up on those lonely top floors. But the single question I have about Longworth: Sure, it has the shopping and the ghosts, but where is the love?
You know the best thing about Rayburn? The subway. And you know why it’s so great? Because it takes you away from Rayburn. Rayburn is stupid.
Don’t make me laugh.