my new favorite game to play when i’m listening to music is to come up with inane pop feminist “critiques” of songs as they come up on shuffle


“why does an allegedly strong and independent woman like Madonna need her patriarch’s — excuse me, daddy’s — blessing for making her own choices about the results of having (GASP!) premarital sex?”

“it’s bad enough when she sings (if you can call it singing) ‘this could almost kill me,’ as though she feels literally can’t live without without a boyfriend. but the real kicker comes at the end of the chorus when she proclaims, ‘i would give it all to not be sleeping alone.’ that’s right: no matter how much a woman achieves in her career (and like her or hate her, ke$ha could hardly be called a professional failure), none of it is worth squat without the real marker of your success, ladies — a man.”

“uh, beyonce, I’m pretty sure not EVERY woman owns a ‘freakum’ dress.”

so patriarchy’s over now right?

Followed by:

“really, ani? you’d offer him your pulse? there’s nothing wrong or anti-feminist about supporting a loved one through a tough time, of course, but there’s a difference between support and subjugation, and offering your literal life for someone falls firmly in the latter category, implying his life has more worth than hers.”

oh hm you never see that one, weird.