I had this theory about Justin Bieber a couple of years back: that straight guys hated him, really frothingly hated him, because his entire persona was That Jerk From Seventh Grade. You know — the guy that all the girls in class revolved around, that the girl you first crushed on was crushing on, who was mysteriously smooth and a total jackass when you were completely inarticulate? That guy. I mean, it was hilarious because Justin Bieber of all people should not have been a threat to grown men, you know? Justin Bieber should have been subconsciously perceived as NOT-MAN. But when you questioned them guys talked about this little dog like he was a big dog, or as if they’d all shrunk to puppies.