The Top 14 Punctuation Marks

In order, from best to worst, with some help from Ed Okulicz

1. ; The Semi-Colon

Anyone who has read my writing knows of my love for the semi-colon; it really is the most divine punctuation mark the English language has devised to date. Have two slightly related clauses you wish to jam together into one glorious and verbose sentence? Look to the semi-colon. Any piece of punctuation that works so effectively to tame my wild, divergent, clause-stuffed, logorrhea-laden sentences is worthy of esteem; this one is worthy of first place.

2. ‘ The Apostophe

Sure, people get it wrong. They attach it to plurals, cram it into “its” it has no business inside and stuff it into inappropriately deployed contractions. But like a well-heeled country club, there is an air of exclusivity derived from successfully deploying an apostrophe, and those able to use it properly are entitled to feel, well, just a little bit smug. A favorite feature of mine: the way it hangs precariously at the end of plural possessives.

3. — Em Dash

Technically this applies to all dashes, but I appreciate the em dash so much that I’m giving the award specifically to it. It’s a little magical the way it manages to hold together a sentence while the writer goes off an entirely unrelated tangent. The em dash expands the unidirectional flow of the written English language into something multi-dimensional.

4. … Ellipsis

Do you know how boring other people are? When quoting them, it’s always useful to have the option of deleting all the extraneous drivel they go on with. When you do, the ellipsis is your insurance policy against accusations of misquoting. Like William Shakespeare said, “Brevity is … wit.”

5. ! Exclamation Point

The flighty mark flirts awfully close to being an emoticon, but it just manages to hold on to a respectability the internet smiley will never have. It’s a thrilling, slightly transgressive piece of punctuation, and it gives each sentence in which its used an air of slight illegitimacy. In the staid world of typography, the exclamation point dares to suggest emotion can be found in a dot and a dash!

6. ” “ Quotation Marks

Like the apostrophe, these are prone to misuse, but unlike the apostrophe, no one deserves credit for getting it right. Anyone who believes these are valid substitutes for italics should have all punctuation confiscated from them. It would be preferable to seeing them abuse quotes in such a sickening manner. But despite all the travesties assciated with their use — let me not even start on air quotes — the quotation mark facilitates the legitimate theft of the words of other people. As T. S. Elliot said, “Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal.”

7. ( ) Parentheses

Like the dash, this is a useful means for telling your reader to hold a thought, but it lacks the robust instructiveness of the dash. The parentheses are almost apologetic about interrupting the flow of proceedings, and quite often, they should be. Too many of my sentences have fallen prey to the temptation of endlessly clarifying my points with these asides.

8. ? Question Mark

The question mark is not particularly exciting, but it has one excellent feature in its ability to entirely, and frequently snidely, transform sentences merely by appearing at their close. “You liked that movie,” for instance, becomes soaked with condescension and incredulity when the question mark changes it into “You liked that movie?” Even better are the times when its absence turns questions into statements, as in “You liked that movie? What.”

9. [ ] Brackets

You don’t get these guys very often, so they aren’t the most exciting pieces of punctuation in the writer’s toolbox. But like the ellipsis, they are a valuable means of messing around with quotes, and although they aren’t quite so powerful as to be able to sweep away entire sentences, they do allow you to put words into the mouths of others. Dangerous, but exciting.

10. . Full Stop/Period

There is nothing particularly exciting about this one, but it is undeniably necessary. A utilitarian piece of punctuation, it’s not going to get anybody excited, but we should would notice if it were to disappear.

11. , Comma

I love these things, OK, but I love them a little too much. They’re so useful for breaking up my sentences that I get tempted to put them everywhere, and, then, every second word, I write, has one, of these, bastards, next, to, it, and, my, text, turns, into, a, comma-strewn, mess. And for the record: I give a fuck about an Oxford comma, and I nearly always use them.

12. : The Colon

The colon, apart from having a vaguely unpleasant name, is so rarely useful. It signals a list is about to start, but even then, it is so often easier to create a list as a unit seperate from the body of your text altogether. A properly used colon is no bad thing, but it so often can be avoided that I see no reason whatsoever to celebrate it.

13. - Hyphen

Hyphens! These hellish little ink spurts are the mosquitos of the English language: small, annoying, and way too numerous. Yes, there are more than a few hyphens in this post, and I feel bad for having used them. Hyphens breed unnecessary compound words and enable writers to lazily jam unrelated concepts together when we should be writing proper sentences. How do you know the hyphen is useless? 90% of the time a writer uses one, it would be better off replaced with a space or ommitted entirely. Hyphens signal that a writer thinks two words belong with each other, but lacks the confidence to commit to their coupling. Even when it is proper to use one of these, writers forced to do so should feel just a little ashamed of themselves.

14. { } Braces

If you ever see these things, it’s probably because you’re doing math. And in that case, you really need to start questioning some of your life choices.